So DH and I have been married for almost a year and a half. Were at the point where people are starting to ask " When are you guys going to have kids?" While there intentions are pure every time someone asks I just want to scream at them " We've been trying for a year! I have PCOS and were having a really hard time!" But I could never do that. Plus I know when they are asking its out of kindness not nosiness ( OK some people are nosey but most are good) My husband has actually been getting this question from coworkers lately. Shocking because he works in a office 98% consumed by men. So DH asks me the other day " When people ask, do I tell them were struggling or just say yes were trying?" I had to think about this a lot. It is really odd to be explaining to a man ( especially one who has no children) the pain of infertility, the stress it brings to us on a daily basis and how there is only so much you can do before you just have to let go and let God. But I told DH " Well its your call. If you think someone is genuinely interested in us as a family I have no problem with them knowing ( heck I blog to strangers to why not :) but if you think there asking just out of nosiness or randomness I'm sure they don't care to know. "My husband has so many different types of friends. From the rich successful business man, to the frat boy drinker, to the married with kids, to the married without kids, so I told him to just use his best judgement but I was completely fine with him telling people. Sometimes sympathy is welcome. In general, I hate when people feel sorry for me. But in this case it almost helps.It helps to hear people say " I'm so sorry your going through this I'll pray for you." Or just the simple " I'll be thinking of you" can really brighten my day. Honestly I guess I am glad people ask, I think in a way it shows people care about us and the progress in our life. They know we'll make great parents and were all just waiting to show the world just how wonderful of parents we can be.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
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6 comments:
I had people, especially family members asking us this last year. I'm not one to open up and tell them my issues. I usually said I don't know when. I did mentioned my PCOS to a sister in law and her response was, "but you already have kids. Why would you have that!" I think for me it wasn't as easy to explain my PCOS to people when I already have 2 children.
Good luck on this. IMO, people really don't need to ask anyways.
Gosh I remember that question all to well. For the first few years, I just shrugged it off. Then after the losses, I started to say 'when we are blessed' or when I was feeling really down 'not everyone is lucky enough'.
I think you are right in deciding why they want to know before divulging too much information.
Good luck, I have my fingers crossed for you.
It is hard when people ask that question and its even harder to know what the right response is. With my friends and anyone I am close to, I have started to be very honest and direct with them. I got tired of having to "hide" behind IF. Most people are very supportive but it still opens me up for alot of unwanted advice. I have learned to accept the advice and also find alot of comfort in the prayers and encouragement that I get from close friends and even from people I am not that close to, after they find out we have been trying for awhile.
I hope you're able to figure out whats right for you and DH, good luck!
Be patient with God, perfection takes time and His timing is perfect. When Doug came home from Desert Shield/Storm we decided to get pregnant right away. I thought it would happen overnight-it ended up taking over 9 months. Looking back, God knew what he was doing. You know all the seemingly overwhelming obstacles Grace was born with and had we not gotten pregnant when we did and moved out of state at the right time we wouldn't have been near Primary Children's Hospital. We were meant to be at that hospital surrounded by the staff of amazing surgeons, nurses etc.. At that time I hated Utah and was lonely for everyone I moved away from but now I know without God's mysterious way of doing things Grace may not even be around today. (now I'm trying to figure out why he had us move back to CA, lol) God's plan will be perfect for you and Greg, even if you don't at first understand why and WHEN!? The girls and I keep you in our hearts and prayers and know you will have those blogs to look back on when your child begins to drive and you wonder on some days why you ever thought having a child was a good idea in the first place. Love and best wishes Stacy
I know exactly what you mean. We've been married for 1 year and 3 months and we get that question ALL THE TIME. It's so frustrating. If i'm not into sharing our sad story, I just simply say, well, we wanted to wait a year or so, but we're thinking about trying now. It's awkward to be asked this question, but I've gotten used to it and usually have a pre-prepared answer each time, depending on the occassion. I feel ya honey.
I found your blog through another TTC pal, A - Right Aligned Mind.
I love your blog and you're not alone. I'm in the TTC group and stuggling with it.
But, I can say - we're getting the same question too. Kind of annoying at times isn't it?
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