And before you get too excited it has nothing to do with the adoption or being pregnant :)
BUT!!! I think I have to announce it here to have some sort of accountability. Maybe knowing that 62 people will be following my blog and knowing if I am failing will help to motivate me...
Anyways big announcement is just that...BIG! I am BIG ... A.K.A... FAT!
One of my best friends B.I.L. took some pictures for us for our adoption profile. We had a beautiful background, my makeup done, my hair looked awesome, great photographer, great editting YET I cringed with every picture because I am FAT!
You just saw my wedding pictures here. I wasn't my high school weight at my wedding but I certainly wasn't what I am now either. ( I am up like 20-30 lbs since my wedding 2 years ago) The thing was I felt good at my wedding. I felt healthy and pretty in my pictures. Yesterday I felt so embarrassed so ashamed looking at our adoption pictures. How did I let this happen to myself I wonder? I have never been "skinny". I never will be skinny but in high school, I looked good and healthy. I was about 115 in high school and felt great. Played sports, ate whatever I wanted, never wore a bikini necessarily but felt good in a bathing suit.
Above: Me 3 years ago and a whole lot skinnier I was like a size 5-7 here now I am like a 14-16.
I see myself in the mirror everyday and know I've gained weight. Obviously, but seeing those pictures I saw what other people see in me and frankly it was embarrassing.
I think it was the wake up call I needed. Something's gotta change and its gotta change now. I want my energy back. I need to be healthy and active so I can chase our baby around the park. I need to deal with health issues now so I can be around to watch all my children have babies. Both sides of my family have heart disease and here I am 25 years old 5 feet 1 inches weighing...well a lot. My dad has had 2 heart attacks including quadruple bypass surgery, my grandfather died from heart disease and as I mentioned in runs in both sides of my family. So why do I still go thru the McDonald's drive thru? Honestly at this point I just think I am stupid.
Sometimes I feel that my own fatness is the reason I am infertile. Sure I have PCOS but in high school when I was a healthy weight I had ( fairly) normal cycles, yet even that hasn't been enough to motivate me. So now I am professing my weight issue to the blog world and vowing to stick to it. I don't want this to necessarily turn into a weight loss blog because this is about our baby and our journey to our baby but I will give weekly ( maybe more) updates on my weight loss and start a weight loss ticker at the top of my page. That way I know no one will miss it, everyone will see just how I am doing!
So thank you in advance for watching me on this journey of weight loss. For holding me accountable simply by clicking on my blog so I remember people out there are watching! ( That sounds kinda creepy but you know what I mean :)
And for your enjoying pleasure some of our adoption pictures! Just ignore my rolls. The next professional pictures we take will be as a family of 3, and a whole lot less of me!
By the way I can't believe I just openly admitted my size and weight and issues...I need help! LOL!
*** I would like to say I am not judging any one in any way about being overweight. 200 lbs may be just right for some people, 110 lbs may be just right, you may look bigger than me, smaller than me, but this post isn't about what I think of anyone else's weight. I don't judge other people's weight and honestly anyone who reads my blog has been an angel to me so I don't care if you weigh 80 lbs or 800 lbs I am grateful for all the support I have found online and through blogging. This post is strictly about the weight gain I have expirienced and the disappointment in MYSELF for having allowed it to get to this. ***
BUT!!! I think I have to announce it here to have some sort of accountability. Maybe knowing that 62 people will be following my blog and knowing if I am failing will help to motivate me...
Anyways big announcement is just that...BIG! I am BIG ... A.K.A... FAT!
One of my best friends B.I.L. took some pictures for us for our adoption profile. We had a beautiful background, my makeup done, my hair looked awesome, great photographer, great editting YET I cringed with every picture because I am FAT!
You just saw my wedding pictures here. I wasn't my high school weight at my wedding but I certainly wasn't what I am now either. ( I am up like 20-30 lbs since my wedding 2 years ago) The thing was I felt good at my wedding. I felt healthy and pretty in my pictures. Yesterday I felt so embarrassed so ashamed looking at our adoption pictures. How did I let this happen to myself I wonder? I have never been "skinny". I never will be skinny but in high school, I looked good and healthy. I was about 115 in high school and felt great. Played sports, ate whatever I wanted, never wore a bikini necessarily but felt good in a bathing suit.
Above: Me 3 years ago and a whole lot skinnier I was like a size 5-7 here now I am like a 14-16.I see myself in the mirror everyday and know I've gained weight. Obviously, but seeing those pictures I saw what other people see in me and frankly it was embarrassing.
I think it was the wake up call I needed. Something's gotta change and its gotta change now. I want my energy back. I need to be healthy and active so I can chase our baby around the park. I need to deal with health issues now so I can be around to watch all my children have babies. Both sides of my family have heart disease and here I am 25 years old 5 feet 1 inches weighing...well a lot. My dad has had 2 heart attacks including quadruple bypass surgery, my grandfather died from heart disease and as I mentioned in runs in both sides of my family. So why do I still go thru the McDonald's drive thru? Honestly at this point I just think I am stupid.
Sometimes I feel that my own fatness is the reason I am infertile. Sure I have PCOS but in high school when I was a healthy weight I had ( fairly) normal cycles, yet even that hasn't been enough to motivate me. So now I am professing my weight issue to the blog world and vowing to stick to it. I don't want this to necessarily turn into a weight loss blog because this is about our baby and our journey to our baby but I will give weekly ( maybe more) updates on my weight loss and start a weight loss ticker at the top of my page. That way I know no one will miss it, everyone will see just how I am doing!
So thank you in advance for watching me on this journey of weight loss. For holding me accountable simply by clicking on my blog so I remember people out there are watching! ( That sounds kinda creepy but you know what I mean :)
And for your enjoying pleasure some of our adoption pictures! Just ignore my rolls. The next professional pictures we take will be as a family of 3, and a whole lot less of me!
By the way I can't believe I just openly admitted my size and weight and issues...I need help! LOL!
*** I would like to say I am not judging any one in any way about being overweight. 200 lbs may be just right for some people, 110 lbs may be just right, you may look bigger than me, smaller than me, but this post isn't about what I think of anyone else's weight. I don't judge other people's weight and honestly anyone who reads my blog has been an angel to me so I don't care if you weigh 80 lbs or 800 lbs I am grateful for all the support I have found online and through blogging. This post is strictly about the weight gain I have expirienced and the disappointment in MYSELF for having allowed it to get to this. ***
25 comments:
Girl I know what you mean!!! I see pictures and I'm like..okay I know I've had to buy some pants that were a couple sizes bigger...but is THAT what people see when they look at me??? And where did those back rolls come from?? LOL...
I think IF did it to me...all that worrying and rewarding myself with food after procedures...yikes!! You go girl...you look amazing now anyways so don't worry too much!! :o)
Ok. Those pics are so ADORABLE! I love them.
IF definitely did a number on my weight. Before I was diagnosed with POF I started putting on weight. It happened so slowly but soon I realized I was going up a size, then another...then another. I went to my yearly exam and got on the scale...oh what an eyeopener. Now I am back to my original size in clothes but I am probably 10 lbs overweight.
Best wishes reaching your goal! You can do it!
and once again...those pics are adorable!
I am a new follower of your blog, and I commend you for admitting how you feel about your own weight and body. (first off, I am adopted so I love that you are starting that process, that is why I am following). but I am 5'5 and I was at my senior graduation weight the day I got married 129 lbs. I usually range from 130-145(thats my weight range where I don't have to buy new clothes). I have hit 160 before and hated how I felt at that weight, and I am now 159 lbs. I totally can related to how you feel. best of luck in all that you do..I will be following!
Heather, those pictures were absolutely beautiful! SO much love b/t you and Greg. :)
Hi, I think you look great in your profile pictures. If I were an adoptive mother, I'd totally want to pick you guys or at least read your profile based on your pictures. So that's a plus.
also, I've always been a weight fanatic...not superduper skinny, but someone who tried to watch my weight. I found that websites such as www.about.calorie-count.com were helpful in tracking my caloric intake and finding others via message boards to help me loose weight. I lost 10 lbs using that site for my wedding and got down to within 2 lbs of my highschool weight! (I normally reside between 10-15 lbs above my highschool weight). Anyways, good luck to you. I'm sure you'll do well!
i always feel that way. i think you look great, though! your pics are so pretty. :)
I really love pic #6!!!
The pictures are amazing, and I think you are so beautiful!!!
With that said, I TOTALLY GET HOW YOU FEEL!! I HATE that I have let myself gain all the weight back that I worked so hard to lose. When Jon and I met I weighed about 185, and while we were dating I got down to 119 and stayed there until we got married. That was almost 7 years ago, and every day I think about how fat I am and how much I hate myself. I worry that I will not be a good example for my girls. It just makes me sick to my stomach, but the thing is...I don't have the desire to do anything about it. I hate myself physically, but I love food and hate working out!
Girl, I am SO right there with you! It's so weird that I see myself in the mirror every day and think I look pretty good, then I see a picture of me and can't believe that's the same person in the mirror! I lost over 20 lbs last summer and have since gained it all back. Time for me to get back on the ball, too!
btw...your pics are ADORABLE and you both look sooo happy!
I think you look just beautiful. And purple is a very nice color on you. Its normal to put on a few pounds when we aren't nineteen anymore. But just so you know your just beautiful!
I had this same realization after my wedding! I think it is completely normal. We all want to feel good and look good...Good luck on reaching your goal weight!!
BTW - The pictures are really cute!!
I could have written almost the same thing. I was going through pictures the other day and was saying gah I really need to lose weight and how did I lose almost 40 lbs then gain 20 right back. Its frustrating but we can encourage each other:)
Your pictures really are great your photographer did a great job!
I think you look great but only you know what is right for you. And if you are feeling fluffy in the wrong places then by all means get going but do it in a healthy way. I have always had a body image problem I took pictures right away after I became pregnant and now I see that I really was just fine. I hope I can bounce back after our baby is born. Anyways enough of that I just thought you should know your pics are beautiful and nobody would call you fat!
Good luck on this journey!! I think your photos are absolutely beautiful! They'll look great in your birthmom portfolio!!
Melinda
I just found your blog tonight and sat for 2 HOURS!! and read the whole thing, start to finish!! You are so great about getting out your feelings, I feel like I know you :) Just wanted to say good luck with the weight loss, I have recently lost 20 lbs. and still have a long ways to go, but as hard as it is, it is so worth it! Can't wait to see your progress in that and also your adoption.
You go girl!
First, I admire you for admitting to the blogger world what every woman cringes about...her size, weight, etc.
Personally, I think you look great! But I know how you feel. I worked out tons before my wedding and now...at least 20 lbs later...I'm not liking what I'm seeing.
I'm also attempting to lose weight so I'll be here cheering you on!
the pictures turned out wonderful by the way!
I think you are beautiful and your pictures are beautiful! I know what you mean about wanting to lose weight though. I have been trying since April and have lost 17lbs now. I haven't been exercising...just eating right. I just ordered Nutrisystem and for the most part like it. I have lost 3lbs since Monday so it is working! I hope you find what is right for you and have all the success in the world!
your photos are lovely! dont worry i think we all think we look fat in photos, i think u look good..
when we did our adoption photos i cant say i was over excited by the way i looked, but my hubby kept saying thats me so i must accept it and use them
just came across your blog and cannot wait to read a bit more
I honestly think your photos are beautiful...you definitely got some great ones! That being said, I know how it is to struggle with weight and not being pleased with your personal appearance. My life has been one long yo-yo diet! :) Seriously though, if you're doing it for yourself, you'll be fine. You are beautiful as you are though! :)
You guys look great! I have been through the weight gain/loss thing and it isn't easy, but I'm convinced that anyone can do it if they really want to! You go girl!
Oh if only we could stay our Wedding weights!!!!! I have gained 20 pounds since then also!!!!
Just to let you know, when I did squeaze into my dress I used Weight Watchers and loved it. I plan on using it to lose the baby weight also.
Good Luck, And I think those pictures are beautiful!!!
OH, I love the pictures!! I think for your cover and for your main web profile pic, you should do the one that's the closest up....almost a black and white. I love the ones where you are laughing and he's kissing you. You've got some really good ones to pick from.
And as far as the weight thing goes. You are gorgeous just the way you are! If you feel like you'd be healthier by losing weight and it would be a preventive measure for health problems, then I say go for it to be healthy. But don't buy into society's lie that you have to be a size 2 to be beautiful. It just ain't so!!
These are the cutest photos ever!!!
I think your pictures are stunning! I am a personal trainer and have been struggling with an under active thyroid and 25lbs of weight gain in the last year. It is frustrating! I blame it on the baby weight! haha! Just can't get rid of the last 25 after two kids! (my kids are adopted, that's why I think it's funny!) If you can get into a good routine now, it will definitely benefit you when that little one joins your family.
BUT--back to your photos! I do really love them--you guys are just the cutest couple ever! :0)
I totally understand where you are coming from! I blamed all my weight gain on fertility drugs! haha I know they had something to with it but not all!
My fat jeans just became my tight jeans a few months ago. So as soon as hubby left for deployment I joined Weight Watchers! Plus I am doing the Couch to 5K podcast. Highly recommend if you don't know about it. AND...Vita Tops are saving my life!!
Good luck!!
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