I very much feel like my life is at a cross roads right now. Between letting go and moving forward.
Its getting to the point of no return with California. I feel like my friends are moving on ( which they are completely suppose to! I know the world doesn't stop for me) and now that we have been away almost 8 months its almost like things wouldn't be the same anyways if we returned now.
But I want so badly to go home. To my safe place with my friends my family and everything I know that makes my heart feel comfortable.
And life is Texas is definitely begging us to move forward. We have stood still long enough out here just waiting for something to get us back to California but now life is clearly moving forward. With my husbands job, with my social life and every other aspect of life out here as well.
We actually went house hunting yesterday. It was incredibly fun and exciting. To see what we could afford out here and to be able to have the home we have always dreamed of. But after the day was over and I laid in bed I couldn't help but be sad. Sure we may have the house but I don't know if it would ever really be home. What is a home that you can't have family and friends over too? Its just 4 walls with rooms to me.
And the hardest part is I don't hate it here. I really don't, I just like it there a whole lot better.
Its the little things. Like calling my best friends last minute for pizza at Costco. Or stopping by my mom's house just because or visiting my dad at work and going to lunch with him. How do you move on from those things? How do you get over those memories? And how do you move forward when quite honestly you don't want to.
My emotions are all over the place today and the hardest part is there isn't much I can do about any of it. For now it is what it is. But I desperately long to get back to normal. Back to family and friends and California.
Before its to late and doesn't feel like home anymore.
7 comments:
I can sort of relate to this story - in college, I was horribly homesick. I knew nowhere would be better for me than home. In fact, I tried to come home, but my parents wouldn't let me. Weird I know. They basically told me that in time, I would get over it.
But I never did. My point is, your heart will forever be in California & that's OK. Home will never BE home {to me} unless I'm surrounded by familiar places and faces.
So with that in the back of my mind, I realized home will always welcome me back with open arms and I can always go back. And just like old friends, we'll pick up where we left off, as if I was never gone. And oddly, that makes me feel better.
And the whole home buying experience. I gotcha. It's like everything is going to be FINAL. And that's scary!
{hugs!}
Having moved 4.5 hours away from family once since being married, and then a second time we moved a plane ride away from family, I can honestly say that home will always be where your family is. BUT, you can still make wherever you are your home away from home. It WILL take time to make those "it seems that we've known each other all our lives" friends, but it will happen if you put yourself out there. I know you're doing that, and I promise, you will continue to make more friends the longer you're there. I haven't found that to be true here, but we're not going to be here forever, so I haven't put much effort into making good friends. I go out with our mom's group moms sometimes, but other than that, I know that we'll be in Houston in a year or so, so it's not extremely important for me to find that Va bestie. I still consider Baton Rouge my home away from home. I don't know that I'll ever think that about VA, but who knows. God can do amazing things. Just keep praying about meeting those Austin Besties. God will lead you to some wonderful women!! Your heart will always be in CA, but Austin will feel more and more comfortable to you over time. I will join you in prayer that Austin will seem more and more like your home away from home and that God will bring some wonderful friends into your life!!
Oh, you don't know how I pray for you daily...We recently built a house (after living right beside my parents for 12 years), and while we're not too far away, it's still so difficult for me from time to time...Good, but not the same. I know my situation isn't to the extent your is, but I feel your pain, and want you to know I do pray for you daily! Blessings to you my bloggy friend!
no matter how long you are in Texas I know when you come home it will feel like you never left...you are so missed!!! xoxo M
hugs
I know just what you mean. Just this weekend Dave even told me that he would consider buying a house here when we're ready (not for a year or two at least). We're getting comfortable here but still miss family like crazy.
The hardest part is like you said, our friends move on. But true friends will be there. I just went through my cell phone and deleted numbers of the friends that I know won't be there for me when we go back to visit. Lost friends is something I grew up with moving so often but this time was different and harder.
God's watching out for us both. Even if we detour from His original path He'll get us back to where we're supposed to be. Trust in that as you become more established in TX.
We're coming in July I think. :-)
A house is a home if there's room for Doc to crash
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