Yesterday I lost the baby I never had. Or at least it feels that way. And for those who think I'm being dramatic about this , you obviously haven't been through infertility. So Saturday as you may know was my follie check. I was almost 17 days into my cycle, had done clomid for 5 days and menopur for 3 days. I was completely excited to go in see some great follies, great lining and set up our first I.U.I. Well guess what...it didn't happen. My follies were still all very small, lining a little better, but all in all not ready. So not only did that mean having to schedule another appointment ( aka more money) it meant more days of Menopur ( aka more money). So I was sad but just kind of took it all in stride. Then I went to check out. At the office I go to, after you see the Doctor, you wait to see a nurse get all your final instructions then you sit and wait to check out. Our old insurance always had a 0$ co-pay and cover around half the price of our visits as well as prescriptions. So the woman tells me " Today's visit will be $XXX.XX amount?" " What why?" I said. " Well your new insurance doesn't cover infertility." " Not at all?" I asked with tears in my eyes. " No nothing." I handed her our credit card and walked out and lost it. More than I think I have ever lost it before on this horrible journey. There is no way I could possibly put my husband and I in that kind of financial strain. Is it worth it? Of course it is, that's not a question at all but I just couldn't possibly fathom losing everything we have worked to hard to save for something that isn't even guaranteed. Our journey is over before it even really got started. I don't know what were going to do now. We have some different paths we are looking into and somehow I know God will provide a way, I just need to seek Him and find it. Our plan for now is finish this cycle. Heck we've already invested $XXXX into it so we're going to finish this one the right way. After that we will wait. I'm going to call our insurance provider as I researched that they do offer infertility coverage but I want to know how we can get it and exactly what it does cover. Two, I found out our provider actually gives discounts for acupuncture and herbal medicine so I'm going to look into that and see how much that would cost with the medical discount. ( Please anything you know about fertility and acupuncture let me know) Third, having PCOS I always hear about how diet can literally change not only your whole body but your fertility as well. So tomorrow I plan on researching at Barnes and Nobles and trying things the natural way. Eating better and exercising. At this point what other hope do I have.
So that's that for now. We have another appointment Tuesday to check my follies again and hopefully at least get in one I.U.I. before having to temporarily throw in the towel. I can definitely say my spirit was broken this weekend and yesterday was close to one of the lowest times in my life. I know it is then, when I feel most alone in this walk that the Lord is carrying me.
8 comments:
You are sooo not being dramatic!!! My heart feels for you, and everyone else going through this difficult journey. Adding in financial stress into the mix only seems to compound the situation. I will pray that this round works for you and that you do not need to even worry about the money. And you are right, God WILL provide a way when you seek him. you've already got half the battle conquered by knowing as much.
Hey Heather,
I'm so very sorry to hear about your insturance situation. You're the 2nd or 3rd person I've heard about having insurance changes with the new year and wasn't informed. How wrong!!! That's such a bunch of crap. I understand your teary eyes and shock. I'd be the same way! Again, sorry! Hugs to you! But God will provide a way. Maybe it's accupuncture, diet and a bit more $ than you expect but it may be worth it. Have you tried Femara? They offer a free trial of the drug and your doctor could write you a prescription with enough pills for more than 1 cycle or such. Litterally type Femara and go to their website and you'll see the 30day free trial! Maybe that's your answer. I know it works bc I got my femara for free from it! You print it off and take it to your pharmacy with your prescription or to your doctor to sign and write as a prescription. Just an idea! I'm pulling for you as I've got this PCOS situation too! And I went through the sad rounds of "follies aren't big enough!" I'm just hoping this is your cycle. At least you don't have to start over and you can keep adding the meds! Hang in there! This might really be it!
I started accupuncture on cd9 of this cycle and went back on cd13. I'm glad I'm going and if you get a decent discount I'd go! Make sure to go to an accupuncturist who specializes in fertilty! I'm enjoying mine and i think the calmness is helping me. She told me to come back towards the end of this week to help with implantation as well.
Wish I could fix this for you! But hang in there! Sorry for the sad day. I know how you feel!
Keep praying, God will find a way for you! He's watching over you and protecting you. He will fulfill your desires to have children! Stay positive and don't give up! Thinking of you!!!!
Thanks for the sweet message you sent me!! :) You're sweet!
Hi Heather,
I'm so sorry you're going through such a discouraging time right now. I saw you mentioned looking into changing some foods you eat due to your PCOS. Have you heard of the PCOS diet? I just got a book on it and it's pretty interesting. There are lots of books about it. I found several on Amazon.com.
I'm not familiar with menopur, but has your doctor suggested Metformin? That's a medication that is supposed to help women with PCOS as well.
P.S. I changed the url to my blog, my screen name used to be Buttercup16. You left me a comment recently so I wanted to let you know so we could keep in touch. You're in my prayers. *Hugs*
I stumble across your blog from another blog and saw that you have PCOS. I just wanted to give you a little hope and tell you that I conceived within months of changing my diet and losing 20 lbs. I can't believe your doctor didn't try to go this route first, unless there are circumstance I missed. I simply got put on Metformin, watch all the carbs/sugar I consumed and viola...if only it had been that simple, but you know! Try the Metformin and don't give up hope! If you would like to e-mail me I would love to help in any way!
abporch@sbcglobal.net
I am so sorry the cycle is not going well:-( You'll be in my thoughts and prayers that something will work soon in your favor.
BTW, of course you can link to my blog post--or copy/paste, whichever:-)
Thanks for visiting my blog. Sorry to hear about your news over the weekend. But you have the right focus. You can give the natural rememdies a try and some women do have succes with it. Good luck with your change in diet. And Google has become my best friend with figuring out what I can try differently.
PCOS sucks ass!! I'm sorry to hear about your ins. My ins doesn't cover any kind of treatments, so we were on our own. I tried taking herbal teas, cough meds and some other stuff, but nothing worked. We were going to start this year(if no BFP) in paying for treatments.
I did make a slight change in my diet and did some exercising. IDK, maybe that did the trick, but it was worth the try and it worked, at least I would like to think so.
Good luck and try to not stress. I know it's hard, but stress has a lot to do with TTC.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this. When I recall the moment I figured out how much (or rather how little) my insurance was paying for and stood at the pharmacy counter with a $700 bill just for the meds for an IUI, I still get sick to my stomach. So, no, you're no being dramatic by any stretch. This is a loss just as much as any other.
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