Envy. I have a horrible habit of only seeing the perfect things in others lives and then desiring those things. The funny thing is if I were an outsider looking in on my life, I would want it! My life is incredible. My husband is beyond perfect. He loves me, adores me, respects me and treasures me. I am currently completing my Bachelor's degree in Liberal Studies. I live in a great apartment fully equipped with a washer and dryer. I have the best parents around, great extended family, and some of the most loyal friends a girl could ever ask for. So why then do I envy the tiniest of things that others have? The bible tells us straight forward that it is wrong to to live a life full of envy. (A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bone. Proverbs 14:30) This is something about myself I am constantly working on. As you can see I truly do love my life but when it comes to this whole having a baby thing I find myself filled with more and more envy. I envy the couple who announces they are trying and then announces a month later they have conceived. I envy the pregnant mother at the store rubbing her belly. I envy the teenager who is able to get pregnant so easily, despite the fact it may be unwanted. I envy the mother walking around with her baby in stroller at the store. I envy every celebrity who is able to continuously pop out more and more babies despite the fact they are nearly 50 years old.
I WANT THAT! I WANT TO ANNOUNCE THAT WE ARE PREGNANT! I WANT TO RUB MY BELLY AND FEEL THE LIFE INSIDE OF ME KICKING. I WANT TO BE THE MOM WALKING AROUND PUSHING HER STROLLER. I WANT TO HOLD OUR BABY IN MY ARMS AND EXPERIENCE THE MIRACLE OF LIFE!
I'm working on it though, really I am. I hate when those thoughts find there way into my head. I take it all one day at a time, one hope at a time, and one prayer at a time. Our time will come. I know it will. The Lord put these desires in my heart and I am faithful He will fulfill them in His time. ( Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4)
I have seen this video on many blogs. It's hard to watch because it always makes me cry but I think it sums up how I feel about everything. Watch and Enjoy.
Jenny was my best friend.
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn't keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.
And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.
But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.
I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.
All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.
Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.
And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.
Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."
I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.
And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that.
I WANT THAT! I WANT TO ANNOUNCE THAT WE ARE PREGNANT! I WANT TO RUB MY BELLY AND FEEL THE LIFE INSIDE OF ME KICKING. I WANT TO BE THE MOM WALKING AROUND PUSHING HER STROLLER. I WANT TO HOLD OUR BABY IN MY ARMS AND EXPERIENCE THE MIRACLE OF LIFE!
I'm working on it though, really I am. I hate when those thoughts find there way into my head. I take it all one day at a time, one hope at a time, and one prayer at a time. Our time will come. I know it will. The Lord put these desires in my heart and I am faithful He will fulfill them in His time. ( Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4)
I have seen this video on many blogs. It's hard to watch because it always makes me cry but I think it sums up how I feel about everything. Watch and Enjoy.
Jenny was my best friend.
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn't keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.
And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.
But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.
I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.
All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.
Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.
And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.
Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."
I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.
And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that.
5 comments:
Ive been there friend and my heart aches for you. I can still remember the burning desire burning a whole in my heart, the desire for a child. My eyes still tear up thinking about our journey! Praying for you . . . you will get there and you will be closer to your Lord because of the journey!
I completely know how you feel. My heart too is sad for you. I'm a new reader of your blog and wish you a quick journey to baby! - Sarah
I could have written that post word for word - exactly how I've been feelings these days. Hang in there! I'm also a new blog reader and look forward to following your journey! OH, and I LOVE THAT SONG/VIDEO!! Thank you for sharing!
I haven't ever watched this video before. Thanks so much for it! I am going to post it on my blog, too. Thank you, also, for the bible verse. I feel like my bones are rotting with envy. Here is to a better tomorrow!
aww sweetie, we have all been there. It gets better in time, but you know what -- you are right YOUR TIME WILL COME. All of ours will because God has promised us and we are standing on His promises.
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