In the midst ( or hopefully the end) of all this blogger drama ( also known as April Rose) I have felt in my heart this strong need to open myself up more. Yes it is scary and I of course won't be divulging my phone number and address in the blog world but I would like to share something about myself with every one that you don't know about me.
I guess I just feel this need to "prove" myself a little. I know that all the women out there support me and stand behind me. I know you have spent time in prayer for me and others regarding infertility, adoption, and more. I know I don't need to prove myself or my story to anyone, I guess I just want everyone to know I am a real person. Fighting the struggle of infertility every day.
I am the girl who never imagined herself as anything but a wife and a mother when she grew up. I am the girl who always "thought" something could be wrong but still never imagined infertility could happen to me. I am the girl who celebrates with you when you get your positive pregnancy test, but I am also the girl who cries a little inside when she doesn't get hers. I am the girl who has been angry with the Lord, who has wept at His feet and begged Him for a child. I am the girl who has rejoiced in His name and found all my hope and trust in Him. I am the girl who has waited...who IS waiting in confidence in my God. I am the girl that " Even if HE doesn't...I will still praise HIM". I am the girl whose heart was opened to adoption and I am the girl who can no longer get any sleep because I am so excited to be "paper pregnant" :)
And now my secret...Although I guess it's not a secret. You can see it when you meet me. You may not see it when you meet me. You may notice it if you try to shake my hand. You may not notice it when you shake my hand. I have known people who recognized it immediately and known people for years before they asked " What happened?"
My hands
These are the hands I was born with. These are the hands God knit perfectly together in my mother's womb before I became a part of this world. These are the hands that held baby dolls and now the hands that wipe my tears when there is no baby to hold. These are the hands my husband kisses and adores no matter how imperfect they may be. They are the hands that are typing up our " Dear Birth mother" letter and the hands that come together in prayer when seeking answers from God. These are the hands that will pick up the phone when they call to tell us we have been chosen by a birth mom. These are the hands that will so lovingly hold our baby for the first time. These are the hands that will feed her her first bottle and change her first diaper. These are the hands that will place our baby in her car seat for her first car ride to her new home...our home. They are the hands that will place our baby down to sleep in her crib at night. They are the hands that will hold her when she cries and the hands that will wipe away her tears. They are the hands that will feed her when she is hungry and the hands that with cheer for her as she succeeds.
These are my hands.
The hands of a real God fearing , wife, daughter, friend and a soon to be mother.
Please feel free to ask questions...I'm a real person with real answers
*** Please check out this absolutely amazing website I discovered today***
Dancing Upon Barren Land
20 comments:
You never cease to amaze me with your honesty and your faith.
Thank you for sharing more about you including the pictures of your hands. Our God has made you beautiful and it makes me feel closer to you know that you have shared.
Thank you so much for sharing. You have an amazing faith. You are so beautiful with beautiful hands. (((HUGS)))
What courage! What honesty! Just another reason that you are going to make a great mother!
You are so amazing! Your post is beautiful...you are beautiful...your hands are beautiful...your faith is beautiful!!!
Thank you sweetie...you amaze me with your strength and faith!
Love-Hugs and Prayers-
Tiff
I just wanted to tell you how much I admire you, your strength & Faith!
God has given you a great strength that I hope you realize. Each post shows an enormous faith, no matter what you're going through and it's very inspiring.
You are truly amazing and such a beautiful post right from your heart. I cant wait to see the day you get to hold your little one
What a beautiful post!
Thank you for your uplifting life loving strong faith filled posts!
You bring a smile to my face and chills to my skin. You are beautiful inside and out.
Thanks for sharing with us.
Hugs!
God has given each of us something unique in addition to our gifts and talents. For you, its your hands (which are beautiful by the way). Thank you for sharing your uniqueness. Not many people have the courage to share something like this. You are who you are on the inside and your hands do not make you. It is only a unique aspect of you. :-)
So I'm sitting her ready to go to lunch and waiting for 12:00 checking the aol news online. And what do I see??? A big article on April Rose!
I new this was a huge letdown to the blog world but apparently it is now on aol. The girl that wrote the blog posts some comments. If you hadn't seen it or don't want to I just wanted to let you know its on there.
Beautiful. Just Beautiful.
what a moving post! =) beautiful, inside and out.
Beautiful post.
Wow. I dont know what to say except you are amazing. I have told you this before but you should hear it more often. Whats interesting to me is that one of my best friends growing up had the same exact thing. Only on one hand and it only took me months to realize that one of her hands was different. One day hanging out after school I noticed and said "what happened" she laughed and said "I was born this way" hmmm we never really talked about it. Its just who she is. Its part of her. Just like it is part of you and nobody would know you any differently. Your post was amazing. I havent seen you around my blog lately and I understand. I miss allot of my IF blogger friends and I knew that I would once I became pregnant.Lord knows I prayed it would happen but I still miss my friends. I just wish that all of you could experience it with me. I am just so over the moon for you to be "paper pregnant!!" Its so exciting. I understand if you dont feel like reading my blog these days but I just want you to know I look in on you often and pray for you daily. You supported me and I will continue to support you.
Poetic. Beautiful. Your best writing.
What a beautiful post! Thank you so much for sharing this part of your life! Your faith and your strength are a testimony to me, and I know they are to others who read your words. I look forward to the day when your hands are wrapped around your precious gift from God.
What a great post. Thanks for sharing. You have beautiful hands and will be a great Mother soon.
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful post! Your honesty, faith, and hope are inspiring and I can't wait to hear about how busy those hands are going to be filing out paperwork and welcoming your beautiful baby!
Wow...what a great post...it is true that sometimes even though we are sharing very real struggles, some people still don't see us as "real" people and take advantage of us...I'm sorry someone did that to you.
You are such an encouragement to me as we both plod along in this journey!
I'm over here from ICLW...just wanted to say hello. We're adopting as well. Can't wait to read more about you and your story!
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