6 and a half months into being a stay at home mother I can honestly say it has been everything I could have dreamed it to be and more.
Every moment watching Faith grow and change and learn and discover has been more rewarding that I ever imagined it to be. I knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom and I knew I would love it but I never knew I would love it THIS much and it would become so much of who I am.
Being a stay at home mom is me. Its who I am. When I say Heather you say Mom “ Heather” ( you say) “ Mom” sorry I just got all cheerleader on you ;) But you know what I mean. At this time in my life being a mom defines me and who I am.
Now I know there are probably a lot of you out there thinking how dangerous this is and how I need my own identity and that this is not a good thing. That there should be more to me than just being a mom and you know what…there is. There are a lot of things that make me the person I am but for this season of my life being a mom ( and wife) is first. And nothing fills my heart more than being a wife and mother.
But…
There is a battle within. A need for reassurance that I am doing the right thing. In this world being a SAHM isn’t seen as the right thing or even really a good thing. Most people assume I live this privileged life staying at home with Faith. That I am lazy and do nothing all day but shop and watch soap operas. When I tell people I am a SAHM I have had people comment “ Must be nice” like its some kind of kick back lifestyle. Being a stay at home mom is often viewed as something negative against women and women’s rights.
Then there are those with careers. Some big and fancy, others small. And I see them and the lifestyle they live and wonder how different my life would be had a chose that road. Could I be successful as a photographer or professional writer? A lawyer, a doctor, a nurse? I’m watching a lot of my friends find themselves and who they are in their new jobs and new careers and a small piece of me can’t help but feel left behind in their success, no matter how small or large it may be.
But I have to remember as they find themselves in their new jobs I am also finding myself in my new job as a mom. Instead of finding jealousy in their success I find enjoyment in my own successes as a mother. The milestones I have reached in becoming a mom. Their job is no more important than mine and while theirs may be more acknowledged by society as “ real work” doesn’t make their position in this world any higher than mine.
I struggle with this often. The whole” grass is always greener on the other side” thing.
I guess the moral of the story is you only get one chance at life. One go round, one opportunity to make it the life you want.
I am honored and privileged to have all my dreams fulfilled. I am 25 years old married to the man of my dreams, a mother to the most amazing perfect daughter my heart could have ever hoped for. While I may have brief moments wondering “what if” as I watch those around me get promotions and raises, I know at the end of the day when I lay my head on my pillow at night I am doing the most important job in the world. Being a mom to my perfect little Faith.
12 comments:
Perfect post! SAHM don't get the regognition they deserve. It is nothing to hang you head down in shame about. I was SAHM until Shelby turned 8 or 9 months old. And then i went back to work part time, 5-6 days a month. Now I am working more because of Jay's situation but if I could I would be a SAHM forever! The other day I had a coworker ask me what I would do if I no longer had a job with my airline (we may be striking). Without hesitation, I said I would be a SAHM. This is what I truly feel defines me. What I am meant to do.
There seems to be such an unwarrated battle bewtween SAHM and working moms. Maybe it is envy that fuels it.
I feel the same way, I am so happy at home with my baby.
I have friends, activities, hobbies and places to be me. But the best me is the nurturing mother that having Jack allows me to be and the happy wife that I've always wanted to be.
It's my dream to be a stay at home mom someday. It's the most important job in the world! I admire you and KNOW that it's hard work. My mom was a stay at home mom. She was always busy taking care of our home & family. I have such warm memories of my mom making our house a home.
I know that some women have no choice & must work. Thankfully, with budgeting and being careful with our money I should be able to stay home when we have a baby. I would rather do without some of the extras and know that I'm the one caring for my children & shaping & molding them, encouraging them to grow closer to God.
I'm VERY passionate about this!! :) Have you ever listened to Focus on the Family's radio program? They have had some very good programs which validate the importance of staying home with your children & encouraging women to not feel like their job as a mom isn't important. It's very encouraging!!
I'm so happy for you that you get to be home with Faith!!
I have a big fancy job and all I want is to adopt a baby and be a SAHM. You are doing what is right for you, your family, and your baby. Never second guess yourself and enjoy this "season" of your life. There will always be time to go discover a career if you choose but you'll never get these precious days back with Faith.
I know where you are coming from. I feel the ame way. Love being home with my sweet girl.
I felt that struggle very much, too. I even applied to some jobs on-line but never followed through, nor did I hear from the potential employers. At around 9 months, though, my heart just came to peace with it and the struggle was over. I don't even know why, although that was about when Andrew started to follow more of a schedule. Now I just can't imagine any other way to live my life, not as long as I have small children around. It's not just being able to care for Andrew full-time, either. I'm a better wife and I pray more, too. I've started to take this life for-granted and it feels natural now.
I could have written this post myself! In fact I have thought about writing one about just the same topic.
It does feel so amazing to be home with him, and there is no place I'd rather be! But I do get the whole "well, you don't work so you have lots of time" thing, even from my own family.
I just have to know that God has me where he has me, and this is enough for me. But it totally is a battle within! Thank you for this post!
I never ever even have the "what ifs". I LOVE being at home with my kids and wouldn't have it any other way. I don't regret any minute of it and never ever will. It's what I have always wanted. Our journey to parenthood has been different than most people can understand with adoption. I don't want somebody else raising my babies--and could you imagine the cost of daycare for three? ha! Let them think you lay around and watch soap operas--you know, I know, God knows and all the people that love you know that is hardly even close to what you do! You don't need to defend yourself. You are a mom and if that is your dream--then live it large! I'll be right behind you cheering you all the way!
I just want to give you a big hug. I LOVE being home with my boys more than anything. I am more than a wife and mother and I try very hard not to lose ME in the process, but spending my days with them means everything to me.
Don't worry about those who don't understand your choice - you are doing the most important job in the world. Right now I am working to help pay for our adoption, but once we adopt I plan on being a SAHM. I can't wait! It is such a blessing and a responsibility to be able to nurture and teach your child all about the Lord.
I hear you loud and clear, and I totally agree! I have a few friends who are just now earning their doctorates - one became an actual MD. Every once in a while I think, if I had stayed in school I would be getting mine now, too. Instead I'm making a family and spending all my time with my kid. And I think, I should be a little jealous of them.
And you know what? I'm not. I'm so glad I chose this path. It's not the path I thought I would take at all, but now that I'm here I just can't imagine anything more wonderful or satisfying.
have you considered doing something part time, whether it be career orientated or just a hobby that does not include being a mom (ie. photography etc)? Perhaps you'll be able to be that wonderful mom you already are as well as pursue your goals/dreams and still feel "successful" and have something you can call "your own". I started working part time 2 weeks ago and I'm happy I did it. I can still feel like I have a career, and still have time to stay home with my son. =)
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