I don't know what it is lately but my heart is very full...and yet somewhat heavy too. With Mother's Day fast approaching my heart as excited as it is feels a lot of pain and guilt for Star ( Faith's B-mom). I can't explain how much I think about her and wonder about her and so many things...I can't look at Faith without thinking about Star and what a precious precious person she is to us.
And obviously this week is National Infertility Awareness Week. I want to honor it, join some of the blogging entries and write about it. I want to respect it for myself and for millions of others who suffer, but then I feel guilty, like it makes me appear ungrateful for the beautiful baby I have sleeping in her crib right now. I know adoption doesn't cure infertility but I guess I feel like it should. Or it should to me at least...But that's not the truth and sometimes the truth isn't so easy.
Then I had another dream. About another baby but this baby is coming to us really soon. Because in my dream we had this new baby in a swing and Faith was still crawling around ... My last dream about a baby came true. Very true. Down to the looks of the baby and everything and I wonder what God has in store for the next couple months of my life. ( I'll link back to this post tomorrow in another post I have)
I have also felt a huge desire to know HIM more. Attending a massive service at Dodger Stadium on Saturday night listening to Joel Osteen was pretty much amazing. It was called " A Night of Hope" and I learned so much about small beginnings and hope and declaration over our lives and it just made me realize how far I have to go in my walk with God...And now more than ever my heart desires to know Him more and more...Among many things Joel taught that night one thing he said really rang out to me. He said " You are a child of the MOST HIGH" What a privilege! What an honor! I'm not just an anybody I am a CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH. Its so humbling and amazing and I just want to honor Him and show God my deep appreciation for making me His child.
And I have been thinking a lot about friends and friendships. The ones I want to work on more, the ones that don't deserve my time, how to be a friend, keep a friend, and all the things that go along with a friendship.
Honestly though I have been super happy and so blessed. Its been a wonderful couple weeks and I of course need to get blogging about them more :) But these are just somethings on my mind.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
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3 comments:
First, I want to say that I met my husband on yahoo personals too! :)
Second, I think it is sweet that you think of Star...it shows you are a loving, compasionate person who sees her as a person and not just an incubator. :)
Just a thought...how about a picture with your baby girl wearing a onesie that says "I love my birthmother" and a card for mother's day for Star. Something small to show her you are thinking of her. I don't know if it would hurt her feelings but it is just a thought.
Our lawyer is in California and his initials are MG. :) I don't want to post it on here because of mean commenters who hate adoption! :(
You seem like such a good person. I think its wonderful that your heart hurts for Star. That just shows that you care. She is the birth mother of the child that is your own, that you love and cherish and protect with your life. I think its beautiful that God made your heart special and strong and beautiful like it is. Good for you. God is proud of his child I'm sure. :)And Faith is lucky to have you.
I just spoke to a fellow blogger, we are using the same lawyer!! :)
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