Sorry for keeping ya'll on pins and needles but since Monday life has been one big crazy emotional whirl wind! We are now back in Texas safe and sound and things are finally starting to settle down a bit!
So the reason your here to hear about our visit with Star ( Faith's bmom) It was everything we hoped it to be! What a beautiful beautiful person she is, inside and out!
We met at a deli that was about half way for both of us and I thought it would be a good place as its casual and in a nice area with frozen yogurt right next door and we got to sit outside so the kiddies could run around when we were done eating!
My nerves waiting for Star to get there were physically making me sick I was soooooooo nervous but the second she walked up all the nerves went away and it was just like meeting a new friend who you knew so much about!
After lots of hugs ( but no tears from either side ;) we went in to order our food and found a spot to sit outside and eat. Lunch was nice and it was a joy to watch Star's little guy play with Faith. It made me heart so happy to see Star so happy and doing so wonderfully. Her son was amazing and her boyfriend glowed with love for her.
Conversation was pretty safe I'd say. No deep questions or thoughts which was OK by us and talk stayed pretty surface for the most part but never any awkwardness or weirdness at all which was really nice. Star did ask us if we were going to adopt again and we also learned that her mom had actually picked us! It was really cool to learn that and I think that God truly made the perfect match when He matched our family with Star and her family! I don't wanna say to much beyond that but there are a million reasons why I could tell you we are both good for each other and I know God saw it all playing out so perfectly as it has!
One thing that really surprised me about myself is I expected to have feelings of jealousy or possesiveness about Faith but honestly it was quite the opposite. I found myself happily handing Faith over to Star and loving how much they looked alike. How they both have perfect noses and the most beautiful porcelin skin you could imagine. I loved how their deep brown eyes matched one another in color and seeing the smile on Star's face when she held Faith. And any negative feelings of jealousy the devil may have been trying to put into me that day never got a hold of me as Faith reached out her arms for me during pictures because after all I am her mama :)
My only regret I would say is that I held back...a lot. I was so careful not to hurt Star's feelings I wasn't my normal mommy self. Meaning I didn't love on Faith the way I normally do, I didn't give her the million hugs and kisses and songs and tickles I usually would have because I so badly didn't want to hurt Star. Heck I didn't even call myself " Mama" when talking to Faith like I usually do.
And after we left and I let it all settle in my head I realized I had to email Star to let her know how I felt about that and to let her know I hope she knew how much I loved Faith. I realized maybe by playing it " too safe" my love for Faith didn't come out the way it should have ya no?
And the crazy part of it all is that Star was really amazing about it. She would tell Faith " Ask your daddy" or " Go with your mommy" and a part of me knew how that had to be hard for her yet she respected us as Faith mom and dad. That really was one of the best parts.
As our visit came to a close we had a special gift that Santa accidentally brought to our house for Star's son that we needed to give him! Santa along with help from my Hubby had got her son an awesome bike! It was the best to see his face happily eating ice cream and then when the bike pull up literally drop his jaw and immediatley jump on the bike and not get off for the next 30 minutes until he decided Faith needed a turn :)
After some bike riding and some final picture taking ( which I am soooo bummed we waited so long because Faith was super duper tired and it was getting dark so a lot of the pictures weren't as great as I had hoped) it was time to say good bye.
A sweet little moment happened as Star's little guy asked " Is Faith going to come home and play with us?" And Star said " No she's going to go home with her mommy and daddy" " Oh OK can I ride my bike?" " Sure" said Star. Out of the mouths of babes right ;)
A sweet little moment happened as Star's little guy asked " Is Faith going to come home and play with us?" And Star said " No she's going to go home with her mommy and daddy" " Oh OK can I ride my bike?" " Sure" said Star. Out of the mouths of babes right ;)
Goodbye definitley wasn't as hard as I thought as I definitley viewed it more as a "see you later" than an actual good bye. We had such a great time with Star and her family that I honestly can't wait to do it again.
I can not stress how thankful we are for Star and this visit. It answered so many questions we had and thoughts and to see her and know her as more than a picture on the computer only made us love her that much more!
Thank you for all your kind comments and prayers! They man so much to us!
* I just realized this is my last post for 2010! Wow what a year, what a ride and so fitting to end it with something so special!*
* I just realized this is my last post for 2010! Wow what a year, what a ride and so fitting to end it with something so special!*
4 comments:
I'm close to tears reading this post and your obvious love and respect for Star. If only more people could see that before saying no to open adoption. I knew all those feelings of jealousy would not be present. I was the same in that we almost push Isabel on her birth family.
So glad it went well and that you matched so well.
It took me almost 2 years to truly be myself during visits. I remember so well tripping over my words the first few times I called myself mommy to Isabel in front of her birthmom. So great that you thought to email her and explain after the visit. I wish I were more open about my feelings and such with M, of course she reads the blog so she knows. :-)
I have had VERY similar experiences visiting with Jackson's birthparents. We are still in the "watching what we say" phase, tripping over words, not wanting to hurt them. I have shared this in letters with his bmom as well, needing her to know, and she understands. I have a feeling it will be a long time until calling myself "mommy" just rolls off my tongue with ease around her. I guess it is all part of the process, but I am SO thankful they are wanting to visit regularly and be a part of Jackson's life...I know he will always appreciate that. And that's worth whatever uncomfortable feelings I may have. I'm SO glad it went so well for all of you:).
Amazing and so glad to hear. My husband and I wil re-start teh adoption process in a few years. I'm glad to hear that everything was better than expected. Happy New Year!
This is so amazing that you all could get together and enjoy Faith. I just want you to know that before you began sharing your experience with adoption I had a very different feeling about it. I now get so excited when I hear someone talk about adoption. It is truly an amazing way to build a family. I hope that you do adopt again. You two are wonderful parents.
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