Birthmother's Day

Faith and her birthmom meeting for the first time

Not a day goes by that I don't think of her.

Honestly not one single day passes where her name doesn't pop into my head and I wonder what she is doing or how she is feeling.

But especially during this time of year my heart can't stop thinking of her.

Last year was my first year as a mother. It was so beautiful ,so perfect and my heart so full. Here I was after years of pain and heartache, still barren but blessed by the grace of God to be called mother. Yet all I could think of was Star. Of her sacrifice and her loss and her pain. I was so thankful when she healed my heart the day before Mother's Day sharing with me how thankful she was for us and how she knew she did what was best for Faith. It helped heal my heart some and I was able to enjoy my first official Mother's Day.

I thought this year might be a little easier emotionally but honestly its not. I only hope that it's easier on Star. I hope that these past 20 months have brought her heart a lot of healing and that tomorrow she can be celebrated for the mother she is. Not only to Faith, but to her son and her future daughter. And I hope tomorrow when she thinks of the child that is not with her, she will smile knowing that Faith's life is filled with love and happiness beyond measure.

I don't think Mother's Day will ever fully be "normal" to me. I will always think of Faith's first mother who not only chose to give her daughter the gift of life by choosing adoption over abortion but then made the even  harder choice to give her daughter a life she could not provide.

Star made me a mother. I celebrate tomorrow because of her and I know she would want me to be happy and enjoy every moment.

 I can't wait for tomorrow. To hear my sweet girl wake and call me ...

 me of all people in this world...

Mama!

 

"I pray I never forget that I became a mother through the broken heart of another. Tomorrow my motherhood will be celebrated but today I choose to honor the mother whose ultimate sacrifice makes my tomorrow possible." - Jill Catlett