Friday I hit the wall.
After 47 days with beyond minimal sleep, a pending homestudy, a house that still needed to be unpacked before said homestudy and oh did I mention no sleep...I finally hit the wall.
Friday I was a weeping mess! It didn't help that by Tuesday Winni had a cold which there was no way I could prevent Ty from getting and by Thursday Daddy had the cold and by Friday my not even 7 week old baby boy had a horrible cold!
Needless to say last week was very very hard.
What made it harder was the immense pressure I put pn myself to try and be the perfect mom. I feel horrible if we don't get out and about doing something fun everyday. After a rough week with 2 sick kids we spent a lot of time at home last week. Playing with puzzles, doing some new activities ( can we just say pipe cleaners and a colendar are loads of fun!) and watching TV. Yes I said it, watching TV.
Winni's new favorite show is Wow Wow Wubzy and she will watch it over and over and over again. Most days we are out and too much TV watching isn't an issue as we are usually gone all afternoon. But last week we watched more Wubzy than I would like to admit.
And every moment we did I felt horrible but I also felt like I had minimal options. Ty was incredibly fussy and crying hours on end because poor little guy could hardly breathe he was so congested. Winni was happy with Wubzy and while it wasn't my finest mommy moment I was doing the best that I could to make both of my kids as happy as possible for the time being.
That being said I still felt horrible like one of them was always getting the short end of the stick...and it was a horrible horrible feeling.
One of the few rays of light was all the help and support we got from a friend and certian Grandma who took Winni overnight so we could focus on staying up all night ( literally ) with Ty to make sure he was OK. ( That in and our itself is a whole other guilt I felt by sending off my first baby so I could take care of my second baby ) My friend also spent her whole day here Friday helping us paint and clean for our homestudy on Tuesday. I honestly know I could not have survived without all that help.
And here we are to Wednesday. Homestudy checked off the list 2 of my 3 sickies are better ( Unfortunatley Ty is still the one who is sick) and even though my sleep issue hasn't changed I broke through the wall and have come out on the other side.
I struggled with sharing this. I don't want it to come across as ungrateful or even as weak. I try my best to stay strong and every day try to give my kids all of me but I always want to be real and honest and honestly last week was hard and I feel as mothers ( since most of you who read this blog are mothers ) its important to not always paint a picture of rainbows and sunshine because to see those rainbows we sometimes have to expirience the storms.
I hope this could help some of you who may be having the easiest of days to know that this to shall pass and though you may hit your wall you will come out on the other side.
11 comments:
If only we didn't live on the opposite sides of the universe, we could hang out and do our crazy lives together!! I have a very similar post coming soon about "life with two"... ;)
I have hit the wall MANY times. And with two babies, I know the feeling of not being able to do as much as I'd like, and having to choose which one needs me more. I've been doing it since Jax was 6 months old, and probably since he came home because I was pregnant and exhausted then. The guilt was and is hard. But it gets better as they get older. I STILL can't go out as much as I'd like with them because one or the other is napping. And I still can't take them both out alone because they are still so dependent on me. Yes, i feel guilty, but what good does the guilt do? So, I just do what I can and I've learned to just accept it. My babies are happy, they don't care if they get an outing every day or not! Hope you can find that balance too. Hang in there, momma! I hope baby Ty feels better very soon!
Amen sister!! I am all about not painting anything to be sunshine and rainbows all the time. It doesn't matter how good things are, there is always something at some point in our life that is just going to stink. I'm so sorry you had a rough week, but thanks for sharing. Hope Ty is feeling better soon!!
Give yourself a break. It's every kid (and parents) right to veg out and watch TV while they are sick.
You're teaching Winni so many lessons by taking care of Ty and not being able to provide her with the attention she might want. Feel free to remind me of that in the days to come.
Glad you were home and had Grandma and friends who could come to the rescue. Even more glad that you broke through the wall.
Thanks for sharing your ups and downs.
Thanks so much for your honesty!! I think you are going to encourage a lot of moms when they know they're not the only ones who goes through times like this!
Heather, you are not weak or complaining, you are just living life and trying to be the best mom you can be. Anyone would have been stressed in your shoes (two sick kids, no sleep, a house to unpack, the stress of a homestudy, etc.) but like everything, you always keep on going and at the end of the day you have a lovely family who adores you. Don't be hard on yourself, you are a great Mom and you are entitiled to have a bad day and complain!
You have to be nice to yourself. You do not have to be perfect all the time -- or ever! You know how I survived lack of sleep? I parked my kids in front of Sesame Street and napped on the couch as they watched.
Kids do not want or need your constant attention or entertainment. Do they need your time and attention? Absolutely! But please don't feel bad for taking time for yourself, for doing what you need to do to survive.
And sharing those feelings does not make you weak or ungrateful. It makes you real! Being a parent is hard work! We ALL have days when we wonder if we're cut out for this job, and we all have days when we feel like tossing the kids out the window. That doesn't mean we love them any less; it just means that we're being honest about our feelings. Other parents understand.
Do what you need to do to survive, and cut yourself some slack.
I've been there, many times. Our littlest also got her first cold at just 8 weeks, courtesy of big sister. She's 11 weeks and still recovering from that cold. I kept her in bed with me those first few nights and watched her every move all night long. I know exactly that fear of their breathing that you are talking about!!!
Being a mom is just HARD. Dang hard. You're doing great, though. The first 2 months are so unral difficult. SO MUCH MORE so when there is another child involved. It will get easier, I promise!
XOXO
Mel
You shouldn't feel horrible. You are a wonderful mother and when you have sickie babies you veg. :)
I'm not a mom, but my opinion (however valuable a stranger's opinion is) is that any mother worried their child is watching too much tv is an excellent mother. Mothers who don't care are the ones who need improvement. I can't imagine having three sick humans depending on me at one time, so whatever you have to do to get though it, do it :). Congratulations on making it through the week and your home study!
You deserve a day of feeling like that! You are one hard working mama!! You rock!!
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