So Much To Say!

OK first I have to tell you about my dream last night! Mainly because I want to relive it and I am hoping a couple months down the road and see this dream come true!

So first part I remember is someone handing me the most perfect most beautiful baby girl. With pink full lips and super blond hair on her head.

Yes This is Shiloh Jolie Pitt but its the closest picture of what the baby in my dreams looked like. BTW I don't care what our baby looks like I just want a healthy baby! This picture is just to give you a vivid idea of my dream.

She was mine! I didn't give birth to her but she was 100% mine from the moment I laid my eyes on her. All my family was there including my 10 aunts and uncles from Florida and all my cousins. We were having a big party welcoming her but I didn't want to share her with anyone! I had her in one of those cute baby slings like this

Picture courtesy of SnuggleBugSlings

and kept telling everyone who wanted to hold her " You can't we need to bond" and I wouldn't put her down or give her up to anyone. I loved her so much and I looked down at her on my chest with her perfect lips, her perfect skin, her perfect eyes and felt so incredibly overwhelmed with love and adoration.

Then my dream jumped a little. You know how dreams are all over this place. And this time I was in the same place with my family but my little girl was happily playing with family and enjoying all her little cousins. I went to my mom to ask where she was and my mom told me in the swing. I went over to the swing and there was my precious baby girl happily swinging away full of smiles. She was about 5-6 months old and she looked different with dark hair and gorgeous dark eyes but I knew she was still my baby girl. Like This

Yes this is Suri Cruise :)

I talked to her while she sat swinging away and kept telling her how much I loved my little Brooklyn.

Yes family and friends that is the name announcement for the day. Should we be blessed with a baby girl her name will be:

Brooklyn Faith

So anyways. I woke up. I wanted to go back to sleep so bad and be in that moment again so bad but alas the dream was gone and I closed my eyes to nothing but blackness.

It was the most wonderful dream I have had in so long and I hope I can visit my baby girl again tonight in my dreams!

OK onto other things. My wonderful friend Melissa lent me a book called The Infertility Survival Handbook um holy awesomeness! I LOVE this book! First chapter I knew I would love it! She talked about how its OK to feel completely crazy and sad. It's OK! It's OK to distance yourself from people for your own well being. Favorite quote so far " Obsession knows nothing compared to the angst of a infertile woman in wait" Amen to that! She also talks about IVF not being a last resort and should be seen as a first resort ( gotta read the book to learn more about that!) and how ultimately she adopted a son named David and gave up her career as a successful lawyer to become a mother. The best job she's ever had. I 1000% recommend this book! You an check out her personal website here.


Also I received a informational package from a new adoption facilitator ( I learned something new that these places aren't agencies they are facilitators. Interesting and confusing all at the same time) Anyways they are definitely in our top 2! We originally had a top one and are waiting for their meeting on the 13th of June but this new facilitator also seems promising! They work with 40 couples at a time and I emailed with 6 of couples who adopted using them and everyone had nothing but positives to say about them. Also this company's employees have all adopted! So they have been through it firsthand and know the ups and downs. They seem wonderful and I look forward to a phone consultation with them sometime in these next upcoming weeks!

And lastly we have our county adoption meeting tonight. I'm excited as it feels like we are finally doing something but at the same time I know going through the state usually doesn't produce the quickest of results. I read this online today and it kind of made me feel like going tonight was a little pointless for the situation WE are in. ( Adopting through the state is a wonderful thing but not necessarily what we are looking for right now)

Individual states also generally offer state adoption services through their Department of Family and Children's Services or Department of Human Services. Such state-run adoption agencies work to place children who have become wards of the state, most commonly because their birth parents' parental rights have been terminated for a variety of reasons, including child abuse. Generally, a state agency works with older children, not with infants or toddlers. Often these children have medical or psychological "special needs" issues secondary to neglect, abuse, or poor prenatal care from the birth parents. Because state agencies often find it necessary to terminate birth parents' parental rights, they often come into custody of sets of siblings. The agencies do their best to adopt out brothers and sisters as a set so that family units are able to stay together. State adoption agencies are notoriously understaffed, bureaucratic, and inefficient by nature. Although a state-agency adoption is generally cheaper than a private agency adoption, it may take much longer to complete. "

Alright I've said enough for the day and if you still reading God Bless You LOL This was a long one!